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Frequent flying is sometimes unpleasant. Sometimes in extremis. This is the antidote.
Frequent Flyer Humor and One-Upmanship is a collection of humorous or incongruous short stories and one-liners, sometimes sophisticated, which ameliorate the annoyances of frequent flying. One-Upmanship because some of the information is unknown to most people. It provides smiles and chuckles, punctuated by an occasional guffaw. It's created for the Frequent Flyer by a former Frequent Flyer.
Reservations
Check-in
Baggage
Boarding
Passengers
Flight Attendants
Airports
Airlines
Aircraft
Aircraft Maintenance
Lingo Decoding
Flight Training
Pilots
Pilot Quotes
Flying
Military Air
Control Tower
Landing
Excerpts
On a nice little De Havilland twin prop, Toronto to Baltimore: "Okay, so we have fifteen of you today. Anyone not flown before?
Good. No virgins. Then I'll do the short version.
Exits over the wings, life jackets beneath the seats, oxygen masks drop out of the ceiling. Put them on in the usual way. Seats up. Belts on. Read the cards. Enjoy your flight. Questions?"
You're traveling too much when you see the same flight attendants twice in the same day. And they know your name.
Jet Lag: "Wallet in refrigerator. Where's the milk?"
"Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight."
"We're ready to begin boarding Flight 1234 with service from Miami to Atlanta. Due to a weight problem with the aircraft, we are going to limit you to one piece of carry-on luggage. Any additional items will have to be checked."
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant came on with: "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash has brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Great Airline Lies
Short hold for a gate
Short hold for Air Traffic Control
Brief holding pattern
Slight delay
Momentary re-boarding
Light turbulence
Near the conclusion of an extremely turbulent American Airlines flight, a cabin attendant finished his "stowed-tray-table-and-upright-seat" speech with a cheerful, "We'd like to thank you for flying American Airlines. But if you were displeased with the flight, thank you for flying United."
- Sales Rank: #3500615 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Dog Ear Publishing, LLC
- Published on: 2011-04-28
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .54" w x 5.51" l, .67 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 236 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
From the Author
Pick a couple of your favorites. Ask a Flight Attendant to read them over the PA at the beginning of the fight. A little unexpected laughter couldn't hurt, could it?
Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Entertaining Flight Humor
By Melissa P.
I am not much of a flyer. To be quite honest my flying career can be summed up with one trip and it was to Dyersville, Tennessee for a brief vacation in 2000. Okay, with that being said, George W. Stewart's book "Frequent Flyer Humor" is absolutely hilarious! Although I am not a frequent flyer, I found this book to be quite entertaining and just down right funny.
I decided to read "Frequent Flyer Humor" during my commute from work. I thought it would give me a chuckle during the rough ride home. And did it ever! About five pages in I had to close the book because my excessive snickering began to disturb the passengers around me. Seriously, I was laughing so much that tears were streaming down my face. The collective stories of bad flight service to insane passenger questions made me laugh like crazy! I could not believe some of the reactions, responses and questions that people ask or say while traveling. I work in customer service so I really related to some of the bizarre stories from the flight crew.
"Frequent Flyer Humor" is a cluster of short narratives, phrases and actual events that frequent flyers and flight personnel have experienced during their aviation travels. One special note, if you are not a veteran of flying, there are a few "Frequent Flyer" terms that may cause some turbulence during your read. But don't fret, the author has created a nifty little reference guide (located in the back of the book) to assist you.
I have to admit, when you read this book please enter with an open mind and have a great sense of humor. It was written to poke fun at some the silly things frequent flyers go through or do while in flight so prepare to laugh out loud non-stop. Happy travels!
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Laugh Out Loud
By Harrison Jones
This is a wonderful collection of aviation humor. After 40 years in aviation, I am convinced that as most passengers approach the terminal, their brain somehow exits their posterior. This book justifies my conclusion. If you're involved in aviation in any way, you will love this book. If you're not involved in aviation, you will also love this book. Mr. Stewart causes us to examine the human condition from many viewpoints and my reaction ranged from chuckles to uncontrolled belly laughs. I highly recommend this book. You deserve a good laugh and you will now have an arsenal of funny stories to share at the next party.
Harrison Jones
Airline Captain
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Frequent flyer finds humor in flying where he didn't expect
By Paul
I got into a car at the airport after a long day of flying. The driver saw I was a little stressed and handed me a copy of Frequent Flyer Humor and suggested it might take the edge off. For the rest of the ride home, I was laughing and talking with the driver. I felt like I discovered a treasure. I have since bought 10 books as thank you gifts to colleagues, Christmas books for friends and family, and an extra copy in my bag at all times just in case I find the circumstance to help someone else take the edge off of their day. A great all around read for flyers and non flyers alike.
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